Both Sides Now...of Movement
A Reflection on My Journey into the GYROTONIC® Method
I have always loved the classic ballad, Both Sides Now, by Joni Mitchell; but, not the version she recorded in her mid 20’s - I love the one that Joni Mitchell recorded in 2000 while in her late 50’s. The one where she’s clearly been through the muck and the mire of life...her deep sultry voice tells it all. She’s been bruised and scraped, with the scars to prove it, and has probably hit more than her fair share of bumpy patches along the way.
This song has become a sort of movement anthem of mine, especially during 2021 as I completed my journey to becoming a certified Gyrotonic Instructor. Truth is - my body has craved movement since my first ballet class at age 4. These cravings grew as I later discovered aerobics in my teen years, then step aerobics, followed by Tae Bo®, Zumba®, and then Pilates in my 30’s.
I love to move. But, as free and beautiful as my body always felt doing these movement regimens, each modality always seemed to be reduced to fitting into a certain box, a certain shape, a certain ideal. To be honest, my ballet teacher from my early teen years first introduced me to “fitting into the box”. She would roll out an old-school, hospital-grade scale before class and have us weigh in. After months of trying to “make weight” - her idea of what size and shape a ballerina should be - the sanctuary I felt in ballet was shattered. My teacher told me that I could not continue dancing with the other girls because I was simply too big.
Her pronouncement did not stop my heart from dancing and moving, but I am positive it contributed to my “no pain, no gain” phase - the more I beat myself up and felt depleted after a workout, the better it was. Maybe I was punishing myself for getting kicked out of ballet or maybe I was swept up into the fitness marketing onslaught of the 80’s and 90’s that perpetuated the illusion of “the perfect body.” This illusion was always out of reach, even if only slightly. So, as if by some marketing executive’s design, I never fit into this particular box either, and yet, I continued to try for far too long.
My passion for Pilates also began this way. I was flat out told at the front desk of the first studio I entered that Pilates was not for me. I hate being told that I cannot do something. So, I bought the biggest package this studio offered - in fact, this was the only way the instructor would even agree to work with me. Then, I began to educate my instructor on how to train me, dissecting the exercises after each session until I had mastered what I believed to be the essence of the movement. I like to think that I made her a better instructor for all of the other “out-of-the-box” bodies that came into her studio after me. There is definitely a “box” problem in the Pilates industry. Thankfully, so many of us are talking about it and trying to rip the box apart at its seams..but, there’s still a long way to go.
After years of translating Pilates exercises so that these could be practiced by every body, I thought I knew and truly understood movement. That is, until my first Gyrotonic session. It was as if all of the past bruises and scrapes I endured while trying to stuff myself into “the box” had led me to this place...and, it all made sense with my first arch and curl. I was finally at home in my own body. I felt free and alive. I felt beautiful and perfect. I felt like a butterfly finally emerging from her cocoon.
In order to fully understand the Gyrotonic method, you must embrace the notion that there is no box. What a liberating concept! Movement is based on how the body is experiencing it, at that particular moment. Each exercise is a revelation of the body, an awakening into one’s true being.
Just like Joni Mitchell, I’ve looked at movement from both sides now; and, I’ve spent the past year realizing that I really don’t know movement at all. It’s not about the box, it’s about the uninhibited quest to discover what it truly means to be at home. There is wholeness to finding this peace in one’s body and helping others on the same journey. I am so grateful that all of my bumpy patches have led me to this place; becoming a certified Gyrotonic Instructor has not only made me a better Pilates Instructor, but a better movement instructor and a better mover.